Stuff Every Nigerian Needs To Have This February 14, 2015

First and foremost, I must commend the brilliant amazingness of INEC in deciding on this incredible day of the year. Giving men the Valentine’s day of their dreams- a very thrifty one.

But guys aren’t the only ones rolling on the floor bare-back, overwhelmed and thankful. Seems wives are also ecstatic. A collective kiss from us all INEC. we get to stay home trolling our husband’s phones, role-playing ‘Game of Thrones’ , observing the polling booth from behind the curtains while joining keyboard-warrior-idiots to spread shocking truths and gossip!

What a day it shall be *whistling

in the spirit of the season:( promises with tongue in cheek and fingers crossed. Just check out the posters  currently defacing lagos with pictures of grinning tabby-cat aspirants promising the masses everything,  save their man-jewels and they can hold on to that 😉 God bless them.

Anyway it is in that same spirit that I wish to share my list of essentials for that day. My opinion. ..

Old Navy
Old Navy

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Because hot chocolate is perfect for observing the amusing throwdowns  and verbal shots that will thrill people queuing in the sun.

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If you can’t get this then you can opt for buying popcorn from Ozone cinemas a day before and putting it in your fridge. Your diet will be shot to hell but it will be worth it. Thank goodness TV will be teeming with fat lard-carrying women that day so you won’t feel that bad.

Or just be kind to yourself by avoiding TV shows that will ginger you into doing 2 pushups before collapsing and diving for the donut in the back of your fridge.

life is too short. Cheat on your dietplan that day. most churches are fasting at the moment. Join them now and you will have the perfect excuse to binge by the 14th.

Embrace those love handles and hang out with your other yummy tubbies On YouTube’s gift to Nigerians in Diaspora.

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behance.net has said it all. The image blah blah. (Sorry guys I’m posting from my phone. Bear with me). Anyway if you are like me and your fetish is Yoruba movies with haunting subtitles like “Moji has been defrauded sexually in Ibadan” then you will know that the day needs a heavy dose of magic as you envisage election results.

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if you crashing over at your man’s place, IIIo not endorse this because

1. Your votes matter and the temptation to cuddle and not leave the house may be too much

2. My crystal ball has revealed to me that there will be a population explosion in December and that many of them will be carrying the same due date. Calculate it yourself. Don’t wait for me, English Major remember? Sha add 9 months give or take 2 weeks after that Valentine’s day.

Anyway if there’s a man in the house and you want peace of mind then you must have Emergency Jollof Rice at home.

After the men have been settled yyou can crawl into a corner with your laptop and this delectable treat

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and this Screenshot_2015-01-27-20-57-45

because I totally hate it when Nigerians Watch Films Made In Tanzania, Korea and Scandinavia while guessing and pretending that they get the gist,  only to continuously criticise their own film industry.

Anyway all this will be impossible if you don’t have a generator and diesel. i hope you weren’t expecting those two in this list. You might as well hold your breath until I give you permission to breathe.

oh well, may the best man win. #GMB #GEJ

#Respectthelaw #Voteinpeace #inknotblood

Paix.

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3 thoughts on “Stuff Every Nigerian Needs To Have This February 14, 2015”

  1. Haba! There are other Presidential aspirants! It’s only fair you mention them.
    I’d really need to plan my FeBuhari day in (don’t see myself going out in the hot sun to vote with a toddler and a baby) thanks for the article. Even if I don’t go with all your ‘should have’ list. I definitely would start planning. 🙂

    Like

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