I really wanted to post something about my birthday and how ironic it was that i felt so good when it was actually a boring day. Turns out this thing that ppl do, (putting your pictures up on their blackberry messenger profile picture space) is heady stuff. Verrry heady stuff. Made my day. And everyone used the same hot picture. My image had people going “Girl you’re still so hot!” Couldn’t break their hearts by telling them that the picture was taken 3 years ago while my photography team- Chyder5 and my makeup team-@omon_beautycook, side-eyed each other over who was hoarding light in my hotel room….hmmmm. I would love to get married again you know…Raised it with Mr H and he promptly told me I was nutters but that’s the same thing he said when I told him i really wanted to take a nude picture before i got pregnant. Now i mourn my pre-baby body((Die Mum Warriors, cos that’s the truth and don’t come for me if I don’t send for you cos this is my blog)) Lest I digress, as I was saying o jare my good people, I should have taken that nudie. A tasteful one but a nudie all the same. Sigh… So i would love to get married again. All by myself, no choosing of colours or gele or aso-ebi or having to please this person or that person or buying yams or dry fish. Just me and Mr H. renewing vows in front of our closest friends and then having a disco throwdown with the lights off. With Seun Kuti, Egypt 80 and those tiny girls of his that move like Damn acolytes(have you seen those girls!) Hmmm. So that was what I was planning to blog about when the bombing happened and then the kidnapping of schoolgirls happened and I’m just weak and for the first time in 2014 I actually feel helpless. Like everything is against Nigeria. Like the fates are just cackling and spitting into a pot called Nigeria. Then there’s the issue of a ship in South Korea sinking and 2 pictures of Kim K’s b*hind surfaced. One in 2006 where we were mates (b*hind-wise) and then one this year where ‘it’ was sooo brazen that I was scared. You see that I need lots of sleep. I need sleep. I just need to sleep. Plus I’m coming off my high. I am a year older. I can’t run from it. I used a Walkman and a cassette tape recorder. Me , my home girl Dre and our paddy Tunde Gb. used to jam to Brandy’s Wow in those days when the world seemed like a bloody funeral pyre we could set ablaze if we so wished. But GEJ has taken that from us. I no longer have that ‘it can only get better feeling.’.
Turns out IT CAN GET WORSE!
And even if I pay the best South Korean surgeon and hire Joan Rivers to be my reconstruction consultant, I will not be able to lift the withering in my heart’s face. That’s all folks. Paix.