So a friend requested a Relationship Post! Why I would write that, only God knows.
And I told her so. Well, here I am, with my Rel post, cos human beings are fickle like that.
And because it’s my Anniversary today. Yay!
So this is me being a good Samaritan and sharing tips. On y va.
1. ‘Cohabiting’ (Oh how i dislike that word) will not make marriage any easier. Yup a couple of oldies will tell you the same thing but you will act like they are farting out of their mouths until you get married and discover that the dynamics always change. So if you are moving in with your partner because a good night gets better spooning your lover then go right ahead but if you are thinking that it will make your vows easier then…Good Luck Jonathan. (Cos adding Jonathan makes my sarcasm even clearer.)
2. Be Proactive: Men take note, your wife expects you to call even when her phone is off, she will grill you for not sending her love msgs while she’s at work and then skewer you for sending them because she told you to do so. She will request spontaneity in bed and when you surprise her, she will accuse you of learning from outside. Times like this will come.
Reaction: Deep breaths- Deeper breaths- Let her talk while you listen minus a bored look on your face. P.S: Not the best time to complain about anything e.g rice needs more salt, soup needs more Rodo
3. And to those who say ‘Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Your Anger’, I say pffftt.
It’s one or the other of these ; You are an alien who’s inhabiting someone else’s body pretending to be a spouse… or you have found a way to still the sun. (Gideon Style) How do you settle fight if the other person hasn’t cooled off yet?
It’s out of your hands really. But what’s in your hands is the ability to fume in the toilet with cold water running, to watch the Bovi and the Fish video on Youtube, or to just ponder over how to douse fires & make things better, while you try to remember why you tied the knot in the first place.
4. The 2 TV Secret: Married couples can fight over the silliest things, walahi.
Socks, farts, The best bathtub position to do stuff which will then lead to fighting over how small the bathtub is and then the fighting will proceed to how you could have picked that house on Phase 1 with the Jacuzzi tub. Kai
Then there’s the ultimate, TV fights! You won’t believe what having 2 Tvs and two remotes will help you avoid. Especially if one person is a Nollywood fanatic and the other’s a Bloomberg TV fan or if there are two factions within one roof a.k.a Chelsea and Arsenal. Two TVs can keep you apart if you’re not careful though but they will come in handy when KUWTK and a match are on at the same time.
5. Realise that People Change (This is for the dudes): People change. All the time.
Your hawt babe’s banging body is a miracle no doubt. And it’s great to hear your friends tell you so. Nevertheless, it too will bow to gravity, and age and urmm other stuff (you’ll see) Remember to be kind about it. Women are sensitive about their bodies especially when babies start rolling in. At least they have a good excuse for belly fat, what’s your excuse?
A man who likes plain Efo riro might go ahead to like Efo riro with Cow eyeballs and intestines AND a Unicorn’s horn. Irisalright! If the money materializes then why not? It’s true what they say about the way to man’s heart, I swear.
6. Sex & Submission: It’s hilarious to hear women wave these two aside and say it doesn’t matter. It’s even sillier when it’s Sex they’re waving aside. If you can combine these two properly, in the right dosage then you’re a lethal weapon, that’s all I’m saying! Hopefully some dudes will give my readers more insight on the matter. And if you know the doses then please let me subscribe to your newsletter o! I need to know!
7. Above all, Remain Prayerful and be Responsible. Seriously! Marriage is not for the soft-at-heart. And it’s definitely not for those who still want to sow wild oats or be Wild and Free.
Maybe Grown and Sexy but definitely not Wild and Free. The rest is in God’s hands.
So if you’re married (Doesn’t matter for how long) and reading this post, feel free to add tips of your own. It could be a great help to someone halfway across the world.
Shout out to ZOE: Y’all know who you are!
Thanks for 36 months of Happy, Mr H.
Photo credit: picstopin.com