There are days when I feel like a hypocrite. Like a liar. Like I’m walking around telling people that I’m strong, empowered, skilled and what-not but I feel far far from all of that.
Surely I’m not the only one who feels this way.
Or maybe I am. This side of me is never more magnified that on the day or weekend before a big meeting. the amazing way everything pales in comparison to my hair. That something so simple has the power to make me go into deep thought and i find myself surfing the web. Typing stuff like short Rihanna styles and new quality weaves into Google search and thanking God that Baby C is not grown enough to remember his mum in a brain tizzy over weave and braids.
I am angry at myself because I have never been able to just brush my hair wear my fab clothes and think I look presentable enough to impress whoever I’m meeting.
I am not so foolish that I’ll blame my curly Afro or its dull brown hue for my insistence on hiding it under weave.
It’s all in my head.
How can I be strong and empowered and all that if I can spend tons of money on fake hair annually while my own hair lies ignored underneath?
For some this isn’t an issue. weaves are perfect, sitting under the ministrations of Yam-eating women for 6 hours and straining pockets is just a part of life.
For me, it is. Anything that isn’t of any depth yet keeps me up at night is an issue. that my hair has so much power over my time and the way I look at myself is huge.
A friend of mine declares #Hairissues as the number 1 reason why there are few Black women heading major organizations. I’m not so sure about that but I’m sure about one thing though:
Sometimes being strong, empowered and real is all about letting go of the little things that weigh us down and focusing on what’s important.