What not to say

My idea of a great interview is one  that doesn’t involve questions like ”Tell me about Yourself”

It is such a complicated question and I guess that’s why people ask it. I have asked it a few times myself. It’s the easy way to spot confidence or a lack thereof. Sometimes there’s the scraping of shoes and there’s stuttering and If the interviewer is lucky, there could even be hand-wringing. When I am the interviewee answering that question, it’s like someone just asked ”Whats in your Closet?”

Considering the fact that my closet is a hodgepodge of lotions, scarves, shoes, wigs and tattered manuscripts, it is not a question i want to answer. i have listed the first things that come to mind whenever i get asked to tell About Me:

I can smell anything. and everything. and i’m not proud of it like its some super power. its more of a hindrance than anything else. I can smell nervousness hair shampoo from random strangers, old shoes, shoe polish. I smell past visitors in my house and these smells won’t stop even in the most intimate of moments. So it isn’t uncommon to catch me scrunching my nose in public, looking dazed or suspicious. It makes me avoid crowds, concerts or anywhere excited people might be lurking.

I can’t stand it when people try to turn on the charm. and by people i mean guys. Definitely guys. It raises my hackles and gives my legs the ability to walk off without me telling them too.

I don’t like taking calls. I love texting. I wish everyone could just text and we never have to talk.

No one ever gets to see my hair. I mean my own hair not weave or attachments. As unafrican as it may seem, I’m not in love with my kinky curls. I don’t even know what it is. I’m realizing just how unhealthy my relationship with my hair is and I’m working on showing it more love I know that many Nigerian females are just as dependent on weaves as I am but i think there’s loads of people on the same Hair-Pride path as i am.

My face is veryyyy expressive. which is just too bad because i really don’t want anyone to know what i’m thinking. If i disagree with you, my face will express it. If i’m tired or irritated i can’t hide that too. It always makes for very awkward dates or lecture experiences so you’ll usually find me sitting in the back and it’s not because i’m  uninterested. I’m just tired of having lecturers stop and ask me if i want them to repeat what they have said or if i disagree.

Can we postpone this and schedule a phone interview instead?

Lets just call this post ”What not to say at a Job Interview”


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